Be You and Love hard

I am here today because God is not done with me on this earth He created.

One month from today I will be 40 years old. In my 39 years, I have survived addiction, sexploitation, abuse, adultery, and many more sinful vices. If not for the love and grace of our savior Jesus Christ, I would be just another statistic lost to the enemy.

As I look back of my 39 years, I know at an early age that God was calling me to His purpose. I didn't know at age 7, but I know now at age 39. I have a timeline of events and people sewn in my brain that led me to my knees to receive the Holy Spirit. Once His Spirit comes upon you, its like you are now tuned into Heaven radio.

It is so easy to forget His goodness. It is easy to forget the pit that He delivered me out of. And sometimes He has to yank the reins back on me, as a reminder to slow down, be quiet, and listen.

Anyone that may need this reminder today, as I surely did, GOD IS THE SAME TODAY, TOMORROW, AND FOREVER. God does not change, we change. He is there, always there, we are the ones that fall back, step to the side and think that we have this life all figured out.

I was told a few weeks ago by someone that I was too needy as a friend. I am not needy, I am a lover. I love hard, and will always love hard. If you come into my life, and we form a friendship, or even if we meet once, I carry you with me. I have always put others before myself, and I will continue to do so. If that makes me needy, well God bless you.

To all my Daughters of Grace sisters, don't be afraid to love hard. Don't be afraid to extend a hand. Don't be afraid to show your true self that God created you to be. There is something special about a woman that can shed all the glamour, and just be real.

I pray you all have a wonderful day, and take a moment to look in the mirror and tell yourself "IT'S OK", whatever maybe troubling you today.

Love you all.....hard.

You Are Not A Fool.......Dance, Shout, Praise Him

2 Samuel 6 20-22 MSG

David returned home to bless his family. Michal, Saul’s daughter, came out to greet him: “How wonderfully the king has distinguished himself today—exposing himself to the eyes of the servants’ maids like some burlesque street dancer!” David replied to Michal, “In God’s presence I’ll dance all I want! He chose me over your father and the rest of our family and made me prince over God’s people, over Israel. Oh yes, I’ll dance to God’s glory—more recklessly even than this. And as far as I’m concerned . . . I’ll gladly look like a fool . . . but among these maids you’re so worried about, I’ll be honored no end.”

I LOVE THIS........Dance, sing, shout to the LORD!!!!!! Never be ashamed to praise The Lord, our King Jesus. David was a king, and he didn't care if he looked like a fool, why should you??

Focus

No school, no work day #2.....needless to say the house has turned into a mess with both us girls at home.  With that said, I asked my daughter to take a couple of water bottles down stairs to the kitchen for me so I could pour out the excess before putting in the trash.  At the time I asked her to help me out, she was down stairs watching cartoons relaxing on the couch.  She is starting to fall into the category of lazy with a case of boredom as the weekend has turned into an extended weekend.

When my daughter got upstairs, I handed off 3 bottles to her, this should have been an easy task.  Take the 3 bottles (small bottles) downstairs to the kitchen.  The steps are as follows:   hold bottles, take bottles, walk down stairs, leave bottles on kitchen counter.  Simple right???  Well......we will see.  About 5 seconds after she headed down the stairs I hear, THUD THUD THUD.........I come running.  I find the bottles at the bottom of the stairs and little missy just standing there watching the TV.  After I ask her if she is OK, she turns to me and says YES,  "I just dropped the bottles" she said. "Billie, why do you think you dropped the bottles"?  "I just did" she said.   "You just did, did you"?  Momma!!!! (said with sarcasm).  "Billie, I think you dropped the bottles, because you took your focus off of the task at hand, and put your focus on what was on the television.

IMMEDIATELY Matthew 14:29-30 rushed over me:

He said, "Come ahead".  Jumping out of the boat, Peter walked on the water to Jesus.  But when he looked down at the waves beneath his feet, he lost his nerve and started to sink.  He cried, "Master, save me!"

See, when Peter lost focus on Jesus, he fell in the water.  And when we lose focus on the task at hand, we will fall too.

I tried to explain to my daughter, that if she would have just paid attention to the task she was given, and not been trying to watch the television as she was walking down the stairs, she would not have dropped the bottles.  However, being a 6 year old little girl, she just looked at me like I was crazy, and tried to give me 10 different reasons why she dropped the bottles that didn't point at the television.

Let's remember keep focus on the tasks that God gives us.  As hard as it is, we must focus on His works, not ours.  When we lose sight of Him, we will fall. But when we do fall, remember, He is always there to help us back up again.

Redemption

From the time I can remember, I was exposed to pornography in some form or another.  Magazines, movies, calendars.  The magazines were left out in my dad's bathroom, because he never expected his daughter to look at naked women.........WRONG.  And daddy why were you looking at those women anyway?????   Oh course I was going to look at them, I was a child, and I had a body that was developing.  So my example of the ideal woman was the Playmate of the month for as far back as I can remember.  By the time I was 18 my idol was Pamela Anderson.....yes that's right Miss Baywatch was my idol.  I wanted big boobs, a little waist, and bleach blond hair.  Needless to say, my obsession with Playboy ran well into my late 20's.  I even got to take a trip out to the big ole Mansion at one point in my life.  That was the kind of life I was living back then, life to the fullest, total excess.  FUN ALL THE TIME!!!!!  Yeah fun until people start getting hurt, addictions start, you loose all self control.  Then what once seemed like a good time, turns into nights of disgust with yourself.  When you finally get to the point that you just want it all to end.

I cannot go in depth with this story at this time.  This story is way too long, and way to graphic to share this way.  This story is one of a girl who became so lost in the world she was part of, that she lost herself, her family, her friends and most of all she was getting ready to loose her soul.

Sometimes I have to just sit back and go WOW, that was really me at one time.  How on earth did I get out of that situation, or how did I survive that day?  I will tell you how I survived.  I survived because God had a calling placed on me before I was formed in the womb.  Before my mom and dad ever met it was predestined how God would use me to further His Kingdom.

One day I will be able to share my testimony out in the open.  Honest, unfiltered and raw.  But for now, I want every single women who reads this to know that without a shadow of doubt there is HOPE, there is LOVE, and there is REDEMPTION in the blood of Jesus.  If you think you are so broken or so full of sin that nothing can save you, well sister you are wrong.  God loves you no matter what you have done, or had done to you.

I want you tonight to say this prayer with me......Father God, I am a sinner, and I need you.  I am lost, and do not know what to do.  For so long I have tried to live on my own but I cannot do it anymore.  I submit my life and my will to you in the name of Jesus.  I accept Your Son Jesus as my Lord and Savior, and I repent of all my sins.  In Christ Jesus name I pray.  Amen.

Sister, if you prayed that prayer, and accepted Christ as your savior you are SAVED.




I love you all..............

Stepping Out

Have you ever been in a situation where you felt uncomfortable because you were asked to do something that you had never done before.  Something that took you out of your comfort zone?  Maybe something like public speaking, or going to a fancy event.  I have had several times this has happened to me, but one in particular stands out.  I was able to share this with a coworker this week, and I would like to share with you tonight.

See I never was taught how to pray for myself, let alone to pray for someone else.  I learned to pray by listening to the people around me pray out loud in church.  When my walk started with the Lord in 2009, I was capital GREEN about everything from prayer, Gods love, grace, fellowship....you name it, it was ALL new to me.

One particular Wednesday night bible study, our pastor at the time felt lead to ask if anyone needed prayer for healing in their bodies that night.  Several people across the sanctuary raised their hands.  And just so happen the lady next to me raised her hand.  She was a older middle aged woman, I would say late 50's possibly.  I did not know this woman by name, only by her face.  As she raised her hand, I knew what was coming next.  I knew the pastor was going to ask for us to lay hands and pray over those who needed prayer.  Needless to say, the butterflies started up.  How was I gonna pray for this woman I didn't know, let alone lay hands on her?

As I expected, our pastor asked us to bow our heads in prayer.  Then he proceeded to ask us to lay hands on the person closest to us that had their hand up for prayer.  Now I stood there for a second with my head down thinking no way can lay hands on this woman.  I don't even know her, and don't know what to say.  Then I heard the voice.  "LAY HANDS ON HER".  Really???  Me??  The voice repeated over and over.  I felt a tug at my heart, and a lump in my throat.  As nervous as I was, and as sweaty as my hands were, I reached out and grabbed that woman's hand.  I remember she gripped me so tight.  And from there the prayer just flowed.  I can't remember the prayer, or how long we prayed.  But I know that day was the first time I prayed over someone, and the last time I was nervous.  In that instant when I listened to God's voice, and stepped out to pray, I made a break through, as well as spit in the devils eye.

That was a moment of stepping out in faith, and doing what I was called to do.  I will never forget the release of years nervousness, and the flow of the Holy Spirit.  When we step out in His Spirit, chains are broken, and spirits are redeemed.



Philippians 4:14

I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me.

Thoughts and Prayer

Today I was going through some journal entries from months ago.  I came upon this entry from 5-1-2014.  This was the first time I sat and met my new good friend Rebecca.  And after that meeting, the fire I already had, was confirmed to burn eternal.  I just wanted to share this tonight.


This is it.  No more telling myself I can't do this.  Through God I will spread His love and I will help bring lost women to Christ.

As Rebecca told me today, I need a room.  Just a room.  Let me make a small plan.  Oh the plan.  Oh His plan.  So, what's the plan Lord?  It's not my plan, it is HIS plan.  You will provide!!!  
So my prayer tonight is this -
Father God, only YOU know my heart.  Only YOU know my passion and love to serve others. YOU know my heart bleeds easily and I so hurt when I see people that need to be loved.  If YOUR will is for me to minister to women that I can love on and comfort through YOU...then let is be.

If it is YOUR will, YOU will make a way.  I love YOU Jesus, I love YOU Father.  Thank you for opportunity.  AMEN.

Pick Up Your Bed and Walk

Today is a day that I am actually off of work (we close for 13 federal holidays a year), and my daughter is actually in school.  So I decided to treat myself to a morning away from the house, and thought I would mosey on over the the closest starbucks for some strong coffee, and a little sweet treat.

It's 7:30 am as I walked into the sea of hazy minded people waiting to order their morning mix of caffeine. I make my way through the line, and pick a little table up against the window to begin my reading of God's word, and start my note taking.

As I take a seat I over hear the two guys behind me discussing the book of Matthew, particularly Matthew 9.  Wow, could this be a sign that I need to read Matthew 9 this morning?  I was really excited to hear what these two were going to be discussing, but just as I got my ear tuned in......they decided to move tables.   I guess maybe I was a bit obvious with my eavesdropping.

When I begin to read, and truly hear the words that I am reading I come to a conclusion.  When God speaks........we MUST listen.  If you hear The Lord speak to you, by all means pick up your bed and walk.

In Matthew Chapter 9 the word says that some people (no specification of who) brought a paralytic, lying on a bed to Jesus for healing.  When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, "Take heart, my son; your sins are forgiven". Jesus then said to the paralytic, rise, and pick up our bed and go home".  The the bible says that he rose and went home.

The man did not question Jesus of his healing, the man got up an walked home.  He didn't say "Lord how did you do this, why did you heal me"?  The man accepted the healing and went home.  So why do we have such a hard time accepting the blessings of God, or moving forward in works when we hear Jesus speak to us?  Maybe it's because we feel we don't deserve His favor or gifts.  Or maybe we have a hard time knowing the difference between our thoughts and God speaking to our hearts.

I believe that when I have a task or word placed on my heart that will further Gods kingdom that is The Lord speaking to me.  And when I do or say something because I feel it will make me look good, that is myself planting thoughts in my head.  Call me crazy, you won't be the first, but that is my reality.

You also may know when The Lord is speaking to you by what you are being lead to do in your life.  For me, my heart is full for reaching women that are lost, burdened, beaten down mentally and physically just done.  Women that are or have lived a life of sexual sin.  Women that have by choice or not by choice been caught up in the industry of sexploitation.  This I know is my calling from The Lord.  Almost 5 years of sleepless nights, day dreaming, praying, council, and straight out asking God to just SHOW ME what to do.  And needless to say, doors have burst open, and some have been closed just as quick.  But what I am getting at is as soon as The Lord spoke I picked up my bed and started walking.  Walking walking walking.

You can rest assured, if there is something on your heart, and without a shadow of a doubt you know it is God, GET UP AND WALK HOME.  He promised us in Deuteronomy 31:6, Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave or forsake you."  

The Lord will be with you through every step, and if He sets something on your heart, know without any doubt that He will make the way, and not to fear, for He has told you to get up and walk.  He will be walking right there with you every step of the way.