The Void

Why does a girl get married at age 18?  Leave that husband for another man at age 23(then marry him), then leave that husband for man #3 at age 29 (then marry him) then divorce #3 at age 33?  Let me lay it out for you:

• Her daddy dies unexpected when she is age 15  TOTALLY ROCKS HER WORLD HE WAS HER EVERYTHING
• Along comes a guy older than her when she is 16 who says the right things and feels the VOID
• She starts to grow in her 20's, and she is no longer under the spell of the first man; she is now a woman on the prowl looking for more attention to feel that VOID
• She discovers the World Wide Web in the late 1990's....a whole new world to discover full of men
• She starts an online relationship; later leaves her 1st husband to be with man #2
• Her and man #2 fall into a world of sin; did I mention they got married too; this was all based on fleshly love......to feel the VOID
• After several years of a downward spiral of ungodly living, she feels the need to run away to find another way to feel the VOID
• Along comes man #3; husband #3; he said all the right things, and promised her the world
• 4 years with husband #3 which included severe alcohol abuse,  mental and physical abuse.  She was at the bottom, no where to run, no man to take care of her.  
• 18 years of running, searching and trying to fill the VOID of losing her daddy.
• At age 33 I gave my life to Christ; and I have never looked back.  God is my Father, God is my first priority in my life. 
• It took me almost loosing my life at the hand of a man, to run to my Father.  He called out my name and told me "child leave now or you will not get another chance".  I grabbed my purse, loaded a pair of panties and I LEFT!!!!!!!  

Ladies......if you are struggling with loss, grief, abuse or self destructive behavior there is HOPE, LOVE and FORGIVENESS in the name of JESUS.  There is power in the name of JESUS.

Acts 4:12 - Neither is there salvation in any other: for there is none other name under heaven given among men, whereby we must be saved.

God's Word God's Love

Amazing grace how sweet the sound, that saved  a wretch like me.....Oh how I remember my Grandma and her brother singing that song at the piano when I was a little girl.  My grandma always shared the Bible with me, especially the pretty colorful photos that were in the Bible she had.  How I loved those photos, so real, the stories just came to life in those pictures.  As a child the Bible to me was a story, my grandma share the stories of the Bible, and how Jesus was our salvation, and if I didn't believe in Jesus that I would be lost.  That was quiet a bit for a elementary school aged girl to take in, and as I got older it was even harder.  

The stories of the Bible that my grandma shared always stayed with me through out my life, but I didn't live a life that Jesus would of been proud of that is for sure.  But yet some how, my thoughts always came back to Jesus.  See when I was 12, my step mother had me "baptised", but what it actually was, was me getting my head sprinkled by a priest, and I hadn't a clue of what was taking place.  So I wasn't really "baptised" at age 12, I was sprinkled with water by a man that I had no clue who he was, or why we were doing this.  As I got older I started to resent the church, or what I had been exposed to as the church.  Do this, don't do that, you can't have communion if you aren't "baptised" in our religion.  I got to the point where I doubted God, and doubted everyone actually.  

We will travel 20 years, the loss of  a dad, 3 failed marriages (to be shared later), a sinful/fleshy life style, alcohol and drug abuse, and enough stories to last a lifetime.  Seems like I always had a story for any conversation that came up, and usually they would be inappropriate. Through all of the darkness that I lived for almost 20 years, one thing I carried with me the whole way was Gods word.  MY FIRST BIBLE.  That little Bible traveled in my purse, suitcase and cars since I was 6 years old.  That Bible had more frequent flyer miles then a salesman.  And the place that Bible went, and the things it saw....would make a grown man blush.  But I ALWAYS had God's word with me.  And I knew it was there.  I knew HE was there.  

Now how could God still love me for all of the nasty and sinful things I had done?  Things I knew He had witnessed, things I knew flat out with no doubt I was doing right in front of Him, but I didn't care.  How can He still love me after all of that sin?  Because of His Grace.  The undeserved Grace of God.  Through the blood of Jesus.  John 3:16 tells us that God loved us so much that He gave His only Son Jesus for our sins.  Now that is some love right there.  Would you give your child up as a blood sacrifice to save someone?  Well God did, and for that it shows His love and mercy for us.  

There is nothing that any of us can do to earn the love of God.  But what we can do is trust in The Lord Jesus, call on Him, acknowledge Him as our Lord and Savior.  Repent of our sins, be saved.  I promise you this, there is nothing you can do in your life that will make God stop loving you.  He is always there waiting for you to come home to Him.  Just call His name Jesus.

Sharing His Love

What are we sharing with others?  Whether directly in our lives, or just in passing by someone.  What really do we contribute and share?  Daily, as hard as it is sometimes, I do my best to let atleast 1 person know they are appreciated, or just smile at someone.  I often even find myself asking a bird in the parking lot "how is your day today birdie"?  I never said I was sane...hahah:)

Today,  I found myself purposely putting a smile on my face walking around the office.  A co worker asked why I had such a big smile on my face.  My response...It's better than the alternative.  Which meant that I was frusterated, and instead of getting upset I was going to force myself to smile. I figure a smile is more inviting than a scowl, so I might as well smile on.

My point is, are we really sharing the love of Christ in our everyday lives?  Now it would seem a bit creepy if we all walked around shaking everyone's hand and screaming Jesus love you to everyone that we come in contact with.  But what I am driving at here is that in order to bring people to Jesus that don't know Him, the real Him, we must show His love.  Ask the person at the grocery store how their day is going, if they have a negative answer, give them a positive word of hope.  If you see a senior citizen in need of help, take that 5 minutes out of your day to walk over and give a helping hand.

At the end of the day when I go to sleep, I want to know that I shared the love of Jesus.  After all, if we don't then who will?

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Hearing My Father

Text to my best friend this morning:

Is it crazy to say that I am desparate for God's presense?  I have felt so down this morning, so I started reading. And it just hit me, I am down because I need to be filled.  Does this make sense I asked?  

All of a sudden I got this clearing in my mind that what I needed was a hug from my Father.

This week had been so crazy and busy that when I finally had a moment to just "be", in the quiet , He spoke so clear that I just needed to rest in Him.  I was so moved by the clear voice, that I broke out in tears followed by laughter.

At this moment in my walk with The Lord, I am experiencing clairity like never before.  Watching Him work right in front of my eyes, and my ears are open more than ever.

Rev 3:22 "He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches."

Rock Collection

Cute little thought while driving home after my workout tonight.  This actually made me laugh out loud.

Next time someone gossips, condems, or points a finger at you.  Smile at them and tell that person that you will "Add that to your rock collection". 😁

I know God has a sense of humor.

John 8:7New American Standard Bible (NASB)

7 But when they persisted in asking Him, He straightened up, and said to them, “He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.”

The Cross

I am here, he said.  I never left you.

Look up child, that's right.....I have always been here.

I could see His white robe, so white it was blinding.  He walked right in front of me, out of nowhere he appeared.  His spirit was a force unlike anything I had ever felt.  The only word that I can use to describe His spirit is CLEANSING.  It was ALL gone.  All those years of sadness, torture, sickness, vulgarity....GONE.  

He lead me to the cross......and that is where I left 18 years of grief and self destruction.  At The Cross.

Mark 8 27-29

²⁷ Jesus and his disciples went on to the villages around Caesarea Philippi. On the way he asked them, “Who do people say I am?” ²⁸They replied, “Some say John the Baptist; others say Elijah; and still others, one of the prophets.” ²⁹ “But what about you?” he asked. “Who do you say I am?” Peter answered, “You are the Christ.”

Going Home

I want to go home, I want to go home.  This was quite a regular statement to flow from my lips for many years.  This I would cry out in a crazed stupor, or after a night of having too much fun.  No matter where I was, or who I was with, when I had "too much" I would cry out I want to go home.  Time after time, the same behavior over and over, with the same results.  Let's party, let's get into trouble, let's just do what feels good.  And again, same results.......hurt, disgust, sadness, and pain.  Not only on me, but the people directly in my life.  But who cares, its all about me.  Me me me.  After all, there is so much pain inside of me, I don't care who I hurt, or leave behind.  I just want to run, run far away from it all.  The pain that came the day my my dad was taken from this world.  That would be the day that would change a 15 year old girls life forever.  That is the day that would lead me into a state of carelessness and self destruction.  If only someone would have asked me if I needed counciling, shake me around, and just step in.  But, that wasn't what God had planned for me.  From 1991 to 2009, my journey home began.  It was a journey that took me from Wills Point Texas, to Maine, Michigan, North Carolina, and back home to Texas.  I chose the broken road, the road not easily traveled.  I had to run.........I had to find my FATHER.

(Psalms 30:2 NKJV) O LORD my God, I cried out to You, And You healed me